In the show “New Amsterdam,” a mom has a tumor, and she has lost her vision as the tumor presses on her optic nerve. She is excited about a special procedure that will alleviate the pressure by shrinking the tumor. As she lies in the MRI machine, the doctors stand ready to do the ultrasound procedure. They ask her if she is excited to see her daughter. The mom responds, “I thought I was doing this to see my daughter, but I realize that I am not. I am doing it for my daughter to see me. Actually, I want her to see me seeing her; I want her to know, all her life, she is seen.” That sounds like someone experiencing an emptiness because they themselves have never been seen … someone who wants better for her daughter.
Longing to be Known
We want to know and be known; we need to be heard and seen. Unfortunately, our desire for intimacy often seeks fulfillment in illegitimate places. I suspect it leads to much of the moral failure we see among spiritual leaders today. We seek to be known and we sinfully fill empty places in our hearts that can only be filled by God Himself.
Intimacy with God doesn’t just happen. There are practical spiritual things we can do to deepen our relationship with God. Jesus tells us how in Matthew 6:1-18. He begins with a warning: “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.” In short, keep it between you and God.
All healthy human intimacy involves secrecy. That may sound weird, but it is true. Whenever we go deeper into a relationship, we begin to discover a part of the person uniquely known to us. Maybe what we know is not entirely exclusive, but the dynamic of our relationship possesses its own flavor and is always one of a kind.
When we tell others what has been entrusted to us in close personal friendship, we break trust and go backward in that relationship. You don’t have to be told that certain things are not meant for other people to hear; you know instinctively that some things are private.
A Secret Reckoning
Of course, there is also an unhealthy secret relationship. Sin tries to live in the dark but eventually reveals itself. In this case, the intimacy is illegitimate and often disastrous.
Jesus invites us into a private relationship with the Father. He promises in Matthew 6:4,6, &18: “Your Father sees in secret and will reward you.” Imagine a secret relationship with God the Father where you tell all and come to know yourself as you are fully known in the one safe place in the universe. This will arm you against illegitimate and sinful intimacy like nothing else can do.
The Father will see! See what? He will see secret generosity, secret prayer, and secret fasting. These are the secret activities Jesus outlines in Matthew 6. In each of these, you will come to experience the Father’s reward. He will provide all you need. You will know the joy of fruitfulness. You will grow in your knowledge of God.
In secret giving, you will grow in your love for others as you allow the grace of Christ to transform you away from your self-orientation. In secret prayer, you will grow in faith as you trust God to provide comprehensively in your life. In secret fasting, you will discover yourself as small denials reveal large appetites.
A Relationship That Leads to Soul Health
Imagine yourself planning to give as you are led by God. No one else knows. You pray and you plan. You’re not giving to anyone or anything that comes back to you. You are not giving for the building of your own ministry, church, or organization. You are not giving to someone who can repay you. Your only benefit is the approval of the Father. When the deed is done, you hurry back to process it with God. You are building a secret life with your Father. Now, you are experiencing an authentic relationship with the living God.
I encourage you to journal the journey. You will have starts and stops, no doubt, but over time, the real benefit comes from the regular practice of these when we do them in secret. “Don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing,” and “Your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
This is not just healthy relationship, but relationship that leads to soul health. Jesus invites you in Matthew 6 to receive soul care. He provides a pathway to peace and freedom from fear and anxiety. It won’t be found in money (6:19-24) but in the kingdom of God and His righteousness (6:20-34). It begins with you and God in the secret places.